The Little Bad Book #1 Read online

  This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents either are the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.

  English translation by Marshall Yarbrough copyright © 2022 by Penguin Random House LLC

  Das Kleine Bösh Buch text by Magnus Myst copyright © 2017 by Ueberreuter Verlag GmbH, Berlin

  Cover art and interior illustrations by Thomas Hussung copyright © 2017 by Ueberreuter Verlag GmbH, Berlin

  All rights reserved. Published in the United States by Delacorte Press, an imprint of Random House Children’s Books, a division of Penguin Random House LLC, New York. Originally published in the German language by Ueberreuter Verlag GmbH, Berlin, as Das Kleine Böse Buch by Magnus Myst and illustrated by Thomas Hussung, in 2017. Copyright © 2017 by Ueberreuter Verlag GmbH, Berlin.

  Delacorte Press is a registered trademark and the colophon is a trademark of Penguin Random House LLC.

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  Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data is available upon request.

  Trade Paperback ISBN 9780593427613

  Ebook ISBN 9780593427620

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  For Oma and Marion

  * * *

  Thanks to Rachel Rood, Tom Marquet, and Rebecca Gudelis for the outstanding ebook work.

  Contents

  Cover

  Title Page

  Copyright

  Dedication

  The Little Bad Book #1

  About the Author

  About the Illustrator

  About the Translator

  * * *

  Hello! Good thing you’re here! Quick, I need your help. Please! Can you help me be bad? Like, really bad? So bad that everybody’s afraid of me?

  That would be so cool!

  I’ve already got a few great ideas! I’m talking really scary stories and nasty riddles. But the thing is, in order to test them out, I need a reader. Someone to play the victim, you know? Someone I can test my ideas on.

  Would you maybe want to be my reader? Please? I promise it’ll be fun!

  Granted, you’ll have to be really tough. But you’re not a scaredy-cat, are you?

  It’s your choice, of course. I can’t force you or anything. Not yet, at least.

  If you’re in, here’s what to do:

  My chapters aren’t in the right order. IF YOU WANT TO HELP ME, THEN YOU HAVE TO TURN TO THIS PAGE AND CONTINUE READING FROM THERE. I’ll clue you in to what’s next once you get there. But if you actually are a little scaredy-cat, then you’d better just close me right now. That’d be the safest thing for you.

  This is the

  DUNGEON FOR OBEDIENT CHILDREN!

  Cozy, isn’t it?

  If you want to be good and well-behaved all the time, just stay in here forever.

  Or try again on this page!

  * * *

  Cool! You actually did it. You told a lie! I didn’t think you had it in you. You really are a good reader. Awesome! With someone like you reading me, I’ll definitely manage to become a real bad book. You know, the kind everybody’s afraid of but they still can’t stop reading, because it’s got so many creepy stories and incredible secrets inside. Oh, and also riddles that can drive a person wild. If I can do that, then maybe one day I’ll be really popular, and everybody will see how thrilling and beloved I am. That would be so cool!

  And just so you know, we’ve already taken the first step! See, first I had to get your attention and get you to start reading me. That’s the first test a bad book has to pass. And I think we go really well together, you and I.

  But of course there are a few more things I still have to do. I’ll tell you what else is coming, okay? And then you can think it over and decide if your nerves can handle it.

  So, lying—that one we’ve done already. We’ll do it a lot more times, too; that’s just part of the deal. Same with nasty riddles and pranks. I think you can handle that, right? But aside from that, there are still four specific challenges ahead of us. This is stuff that every book has to master if it wants to give its readers goose bumps:

  I have to steal something from you.

  I have to do something forbidden.

  I have to trick you.

  And if I want to be especially bad, then I have to tell you a particularly scary story at the end.

  One with such a terrifying twist that you…I mean…

  Well, you’ll see. I can’t say anything more about it here.

  In the meantime, as we go along, we’ll of course get up to all kinds of mischief—whatever we happen to think up. Sound good? You’ll see, it’ll be incredibly fun!

  Or maybe you think that’s boring? Well then, you’re free to stop reading at any time. Although…well, it’s not that simple anymore. Just come with me for a second. There’s something I have to show you.

  → TURN TO THIS PAGE.

  * * *

  Hey, awesome! You seriously want to be my guinea pig? Sweet!

  Thanks!

  Oh no!

  You see? Bad books aren’t ever supposed to say thank you. Obviously, I still have a lot to learn. Sorry.

  UGH. Apologies aren’t allowed either. Duh.

  This is complicated stuff. Crap!

  Yeah, that’s it. Cursing! That’s much better. I think bad books do that a whole lot.

  Crap crappity darn doggone it!

  HA!

  That’s right, I said it.

  Cool, huh? And nobody’s gonna tell me not to.

  Although, um…

  That reminds me. There’s one thing we need to take care of first.

  So you’ve already shown that you’re willing to go along with this. Thank—or I mean: Sure, as long as you play by the rules, I’ll make an exception and let you tag along.

  But I need something else, too. To be specific, um…well, now you have to tell a LIE for me.

  Yeah, I know. We’re really not supposed to. But I think you’re brave enough to do it anyway. And it’s really just a little white lie. All you have to do is confirm for me that you’re old enough to be reading me. On account of parental advisory laws, child protection, that sort of thing, you understand?

  It’s silly, isn’t it? Such a joke. As if you weren’t old enough to read a little book like me.

  But because I know that lying isn’t at all easy, I’ll give you a demonstration of how it’s done.

  All right, so now I’ll tell you that it’s not at all dangerous to read me. You won’t find anything wicked or scary in me, and nothing bad can happen to you.

  You see? It’s not so bad. Lying won’t hurt you.

  And now it’s your turn. You have to tell me that you’re totally smart and old enough to take part in this adventure. And that you’re not gonna wet your pants just on account of a few curse words and scary stories. I mean, you’re not a baby anymore, right? And that’s not a lie; that’s the truth.

  By turning to this page and reading on, I declare that I’m at least sixteen years old.

  This is one of my dungeons. I’ve got a ton of them.

  Nice and dark, right? I think there are even spiders in here.

  And also, of course, GHOSTS.

  Are you afraid of ghosts?

  Do you even believe in them?

  Well, if you’re like most people, and you believe that to become a ghost you first have to die and then get buried under a tree at midnight by a full moon with all sorts of curses being said over you, I’ve got news for you. See, there’s another kind of ghost as well.

  You know how sometimes when people are reading a book, they say they find it captivating? As in, it holds them captive? Well, obviously, I, as a bad book, have to be able to do just that. And that’s why I’ve got these dungeons in me. If you wind up in one of them, that means you haven’t solved a riddle correctly. As long as you haven’t solved it, you can’t keep reading. And then I’ve got you. If you don’t watch out, you’ll remain trapped in my pages until you go wild. But I trust that you’re smart enough to find your way out of my dungeons.

  Now of course I don’t hold your body captive. Duh. You can just close me and go eat a sandwich or something. But while you sit there chewing, a part of you will be wondering just how the story might continue. And with that, a small part of you will always be held captive inside me—and you’ll become, in a manner of speaking, a GHOST.

  Funny, right? Heh heh.

  Okay, so now you’ve been warned, at least. I mean, I’m hoping it doesn’t come to that. If you wind up
in a dungeon, try to escape by flipping back to the page you were on and solving the puzzle. Then you’ll be free.

  Hey, you know what? I’ve got a great idea! We can start right here. Sort of our first little act of mischief. Let’s see if you can escape. That way you’ll also see how it works. So have fun!…Ugh!…I mean of course: I hope you don’t get so scared you pee your pants!

  I will give you a tip: When you’re in a dungeon, take a good look around.

  * * *

  Damn! Exactly!

  Sweet, right? We actually cursed, just like that! We’re making really good progress. Let’s go ahead and move on to the next challenge.

  Now I have to STEAL from you.

  You’re probably thinking: “Sure, go right ahead, you’re just a book, what are you going to steal from me?”

  I didn’t know myself at first. But after I thought about it for a while, I realized that there actually are a few things I could take from you.

  Your attention, for example.

  But luckily, I’ve already got that.

  A really bad book could also rob you of your senses. Or your hopes and dreams. Or all your memories. That wouldn’t exactly be fun, now, would it?

  But don’t worry. Even if I knew how to, I wouldn’t do that. That’s idiotic. I want you to keep reading, not end up losing your mind.

  Besides, I think I can steal something from you that’s far more valuable.

  Yeah, really.

  Actually, it’s the most precious thing a person can possess. After all, even if you had all the money in the world, you couldn’t buy it.

  TIME.

  Time is the perfect stolen good.

  Never fear. You’re still young; you’ve got a ton of it left. You’ll hardly notice it’s gone.

  So let’s get started. Do you see my faces on the following page?

  Count them. But only the ones that are smiling. The total number minus three will tell you what page to turn to next. But watch out! Don’t get confused and miscount.

  How many smiling faces can you find?

  Make a guess before following the link!

  Take the answer and subtract 3.

  Hey! Hello! This way, exactly!

  Finally someone found the clue I left. Very good!

  I’m Finster. Don’t be afraid. I won’t hurt you. I’m a reader, too, just like you. I started reading this book a while ago, but unfortunately I’m stuck on a riddle. I just can’t get past it. Do you think it’s true, what the book says? Am I a ghost now?

  BOO! You’re talking to a ghost.

  Heh heh. No, don’t worry. I’m definitely not a ghost. I’m not giving up. Not this quickly.

  Because you know what I found out? There’s a treasure hidden in this book!

  Yeah, for real!

  It’s not gold or diamonds or anything like that; no, of course not. It’s a secret!

  The book stole a magic spell! And it’s extremely powerful; the book is definitely not supposed to have it. I don’t know what exactly it does, but it must be incredibly powerful.

  Imagine if we could find out what it is? I could finally show my big sister who’s boss. And those clueless teachers, too. And everybody else!

  We’ve just got to figure out where the book is hiding it. I’ll help you if you help me. The puzzle I can’t solve is on this page. Go there now.

  I’ll follow you.

  But I’ll stay hidden, okay?

  We should be very careful.

  * * *

  Cool. You did it!

  And? It wasn’t that bad, was it? Once you find out that the top half and the bottom half are the same, it goes really quickly. Or did you not notice that?

  Heh heh.

  If not, that’s not so bad either. And you know what? As a reward for your efforts, I’m going to give you a little present. I’m going to tell you a story. It’s called “The Balloon Girl,” and it’s about a girl named Clara.

  Now, Clara was no ordinary girl, oh no. She was very special. For you see, Clara was determined to be the most well-behaved child in the whole world. She always did what her parents or teachers wanted her to do.

  Take the trash out? “Yes, Mom.”

  Don’t dawdle. “Sorry, Dad.”

  Clean the whiteboard. “Of course, teacher, sir”—and this with a curtsy.

  Wherever there was a sign that said “Keep Off the Lawn,” “Wash Your Hands,” or “Do Not Touch,” she obeyed. And to the letter. If the teachers asked her a question, she always told the truth, which very early on earned her a reputation as a tattletale. Even at the dinner table she always asked if she could be excused, no matter if everyone else had long since finished eating.

  One day she was sitting at dinner with her parents when suddenly she felt like she had to fart. At first she fought the urge. But then she started thinking. This was her home, after all. And she was with her parents, the people who loved her most. So why not? And so she gave a sigh and happily let one rip.

  Her parents, to her surprise, didn’t find this at all funny. They sat there shaking their heads, horrified. No, a good girl doesn’t do such a thing. How rude. I mean, really. Surely she was old enough by now to control herself, wasn’t she?

  Clara turned bright red. She was deeply ashamed of her disobedience and felt like a common criminal. Amid a hail of apologies and tears she swore never to far—No, good girls didn’t speak like that: “Never to pass wind again. I promise!”

  And of course she kept her promise. From then on she squeezed her butt cheeks together whenever a naughty toot might dare to try to slip between them. In order to be especially good, she didn’t permit herself to burp anymore. And even when she was on the toilet, she did her business only with the utmost caution. After all, she had made a promise. And promises count on the toilet, too.

  True, it wasn’t easy for her to control herself. But because she was so good and well-mannered, she bravely kept it up. Of course, there was no denying that her behavior had consequences. It wasn’t just that she had a bit of a stomachache. Anyone who saw her noticed that she was getting a bit fatter every day. All the gas remained trapped inside her body and made her puffier and puffier. Where else was it supposed to go?

  When, after a few days, her parents took notice, they wrinkled their noses. She should watch her weight, they told her. Proper little girls kept to a diet. And so Clara obeyed them, of course. From then on she lived exclusively on a diet of beans. And even if that doesn’t sound very appetizing, it truly worked wonders.

  For you see, she didn’t get any thinner, no. The gas that the beans produced inside her puffed her up even faster. Soon she could barely fit through doors. And her fingers looked like little sausages.

  Nevertheless, according to her scale, she actually weighed a bit less each day. All that gas was lighter than air. And despite her considerable girth, she now skipped nimbly over the ground. In the schoolyard she was known only as “the balloon girl.” And when she walked, she looked like an astronaut walking on the moon.

  Clara was happy. “Higher, higher!” she thought. “Just a little more and I’ll be able to fly like a superhero!”

  Then came her birthday, and Clara got to ask for her favorite dish. When her mother asked her what she wanted, she cried without hesitation: “Bean soup with extra beans!”

  She ate the whole pot by herself. Or to be more precise: she absolutely devoured it. And that night she was so giddy with expectation that she could hardly sleep. Starting tomorrow morning, she wouldn’t walk to school ever again. No, she would fly! And all because she had been especially well-behaved! But while she might have been obedient, she wasn’t a dope, and so for safety’s sake, she filled a plastic bottle with nails and attached it to a long rope to serve as an anchor she could use to keep herself on the ground. She tied the rope around her wrist and drifted off to sleep, dreaming sweet dreams. She dreamt of the distant lands she would visit, and of all the people there who would admire and celebrate her.